Confidence >> Low. Mood >> Low.

I was emo today.
For almost the whole day.
Well it actually started yesterday night.
She was online..
I went to talk to her.
And i went to see her blog.
Seeing how well her life is going now,
I feel happy for her.
But at the same time..
I'm sad =(
Cos i'm not the one there beside her to share her happiness and be there for her when she needs help.
I don't have face to see her anymore.
I don't have the right to.
I've treated her badly.
I didn't give her what she wanted.
And i realised...
I still like her.
I nvr stopped.
Well i thought i did,
But...
No..
I didn't =(
Everything was really okayy and i thought i can finally get over her.
But just when i see how successful she is and catching up with what's going on with her.
Thoughts flow through my mind.
It goes just according to what she's been going through.
I really wish to be there for her when she's in trouble and share her happiness together.
But...
I can't..
I tak layak =(

I hate that i love you.
I really hate it ='(
It's my fault,
I know.
I really hate myself for loving you =(
I love you becos you are who you are,
I also hate you becos you are who you are =[
You have so many bad habbits that i can't even count..
Your new relationships are goin on and on,
I even lost count on how many you had..
Well maybe it's none of my business,
I really should forget about you =(

I'll try my best not to think about you.
I will move on..
Thank you for giving me everything and all the memories..
Thanks...
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I seriously wasn't in the mood today,
Especially during school.
And then sumthin happened between me and my friends.
After that my confidence just went low.
I dunno what to do now.
I guess i'm lost.
I'm trying to find the right way.
And i'll prove it to you all.
Thankss alottt for looking down on me.
Also,
My passion for ******* dropped alot too =[
I hope i can find the passion back.
I don't wanna lose it like how i lost my passion for dancing.
Sighz.

Anyways,
There's a few ppl in school today who's pissing me off.
Boy 1 who i hated since i was form 1 =.="
And Boy 2,
Who i found annoying recently,
Sakai dislike him too.
LOL.
And that group of friends =[

Zzzz Okayy i'll stop about the emoness.
Let's talk about sumthin happy =D
Soooo,
I got chosed to be Calon AJK again this year =]
But i'm not putting much hope on it due to what happened last year which is like,
Got threw down to hell from heaven.
So i really prepared to fail so even if i DID i won't be that sad and disappointed like last year =D
Well this year no one's here to stop me anymore so i guess it'll go more smoothly ?
But i think i'm gonna fail also cos at last it's gonna be the teachers who choose =.="
And i don't think Puan Norliza likes me so yeah most probably i'm gonna fail = =
But anyways,
Wish me luck =DD

Anyways,
I was put into the same group as Fung Soon.
Group 1.
So we were the first ones who followed Mark.
So we were following Mark all around on the first day.
And after that,
EVERYYONEE,
Went like,
"Ooohhh Spellman, you become Ketua Pengawas ah ??"

I was like,
"Holy shit NOOOO PLEASE DUN SPREAD IT"

And as expected,
It continued spreading and spreading and now,
Even Wisely is saying that =.="
I don't know why everyone is saying me when FUNG SOON is also following Mark with me,
Are they blind or wad =.="
Plus i don't like them spreading it becos i scared ppl might say,
"Aiyer that Spellman so cocky, thought he 100% get the pose."

Nooo T.T
I don't want thisss.
Anyways,
Chinese Singing Competition is coming soon,
IU Day is coming soon,
DANCING COMPETITION is coming soon.
Nooo =(
Sighz.
Hope everything went well lah..
Wish me luck everyone... =]