Words can't describe how I feel.

Hello everyone.
So yeah,
It was our school's Carnival,
And I bet everyone had fun right ?
I didn't really had any fun cos I was in the Haunted House all day long..
And this is my last year = ="
Anyways I don't really know what games or stalls are there yesterday.
I was starving like hell and I can't seem to find a stall which sells proper food =.="
So I only ate the sucky sushis and some delicious drinks =D
The Apple Ice Blended tasted abit weird though,
I should've ordered their recommended ones =[
Anyways,
The Haunted House was okay lah,
LOTS of last minute problems occured.
Like some stupid form 4 who came into our 3rd room to ruin the place so we decided to only use 2 classes.
And also the speaker that was muted suddenly and we can't work the sound effect =.="
AND also the stupid indians who kept banging the tables down and made everything a mess.
There are still lots more.
Just too much to be listen down.

Anyways, I didn't really had fun in this Carnival and it was kinda boring since I stayed in the Haunted House the whole day..
So yeah,
No comment.
Why must my last Hari Koko in high school have to be like this T_T

Anywhos,
We went to Bon Odori at night.
Once we reached there,
The first thing we looked for was FOOD LOL.
It's like the main purpose we went there was for food = ="
The food there is quite expensive but some of it were really nice.
Like the deserts which are so nice omg xD

Also,
I saw her.
I was shocked cos I didn't think that she would come too.
The moment I saw her,
Those feelings came back again.
The old times of us being together..
And now..
She has her own life.
And she was with her boy friend.
So eventually,
I didn't went up to talk to her..
I was afraid that I couldn't control myself.
I got over it but the feeling is still there.
Because once you love someone, the feeling is always there.
I was refreshing my memories then,
What if I made a step back then ?
Everything might be different.
But it's okay.
She deserves something better..
And..
I'm glad that she found happiness =]

Anyways,
I guess the whole event ended happily.
Everyone was happy.
And in the bus when we're on our way home,
Everyone was damn hyped = ="
Even more hyped than when we're going there.
Lots of things happened,
Me & Leon was fooling around with Koen & WeiLee and everyone at the back was fooling with KhengYang & ShinMei.
Well of course,
We joined xD!!
Cute love birds xD

Anyways,
The day ended quite happily and I'm quite pleased with it..
Hanging out with besties are always fun,
Hope there''re more chances like that =D
Too bad darling Foong is not here, if not it'll be even fun-er!! =]

Today
Woke up at 9.36a.m.
So i went online and youtube for a little while.
Then I got ready for Bio Class.
Which is my final Bio Intensive Class =(
After this I won't be able to see Alvin anymore and my Bio will suck again =X
LOL.
Anyways hope I stilll have chance to meet him next time xD

Anyways,
I noticed that one of my besties have been quite emo since yesterday.
Well I don't know what happened..
But please do cheer up okay ?
It's not the end of the world and no matter what happens,
You know we're always here for you =D
So cheer up!!
Everything will be fine..
Right after this whole rain is over,
The rainbow will appear =]

I wanna share with everyone this video which is my idol singing =D
Hope everyone enjoys xD!!
And please, give comment about her!! (Although if it's bad, I will shoot you for sure =X)

Falling Slowly..

I really wanna break down and cry.
I feel so useless..
I know myself clearly,
I know I'm a very dramatic and exaggerating person.
That's why I get angry easily and sad over small small matters.

Well,
I did something bad just now.
Someone asked me for a favor and she was asking it in a good manner actually,
And she even said "Thank you"
But I think because of my ruined mood and so many unhappy things happening,
I was actually offended by her request and claimed that she's taking me for granted for kept asking me to do stuffs for her.
So I kinda scolded the shit outta her.

And then...
I felt bad.
I cooled down and thought for awhile,
And she WASN'T at fault at all,
I AM...
For being so goddamn sensitive and just released all my anger on her...
Seriously I felt really bad.
And I feel like an asshole.
And then the feeling came again,
The feeling of ME feeling that the WHOLE world hates me.
It's been long since I've had this feeling.
And I seriously don't feel good and I really think this way.
I felt really bad and seriously I'm gonna collapse anytime soon.
Great,
Now there are more people who hates me.
Just exactly what I needed at this time...

Also,
To be honest,
I'm not happy with the whole Singing Competition thing.
I'm extremely disappointed.
But anyways,
I still have to promote it and sell tickets.
Cos I already promised that I'll take the job,
So I won't abandon it like that,
I won't do such irresponsible acts.
Seriously,
I really HATE promoting.
Cos you're going class by class and speaking so much when everyone don't even give a damn about what you're saying.
What's worst,
They talk back and ask stupid questions which they think it's funny but it's not,
And ended up NOT buying any tickets.
Okay fine,
I'll tolerate.

Well that's not the end of it,
When you're trying your best to do your job and actually doing it,
Your so-called "boss" doesn't appreciate it.
I mean,
I know this is what I'm suppose to do,
But can you at least say it in a better manner and appreciate my work please ?
Just like what happened today which made me frustrated.
She was absent yesterday so today she asked me if I started promoting and selling tickets already..

**** : Have you started promoting and selling the tickets ?

Spell : Yeah, I already sold 65 tickets.

**** : 65 only huh ?

Spell : I haven't went to ALL the class yet.

See what I mean ?
People should just learn to be grateful at times.
I'm not a god,
I can't do everything in one fucking day.
Also,
I hadn't finished my sentence this morning.
It's actually,
65 tickets sold for audiences,
NOT including the people who are helping out which has about 45 person.
So basicly we've already had more than 100 person,
And we hadn't even asked all the classes yet.
So don't worry "boss",
I won't disappoint you and this time,
You'll won't be able to say I didn't do my job anymore =]

Anyways today's not a really good day..
I'm very very upset...
I don't have the mood anymore...
Sigh..
Just hope that everything turns well....

*Sorry, please forgive me..

Hectic

Hello everyone.
I know it's been ages since I last update.
I'm back noww =D

Anyways,
I have been thinking alot about the singing competition.
And now I've decided everything.
And I promised myself that I won't be affected no matter WHAT happens anymore.
And just to answer all of you's question at once,
I'm gonna be singing 凌晨三点钟 by 张智成 =]
I already decided and I won't change my mind anymore.
This time,
I know what's right for me and YOU know i'm very good when it comes to choosing songs.
So this time,
I'm very confident with it and I'm sure it's a right decision =)
Anyways,
To those who kept giving me comments like asking me to work hard so that I could get 3rd since I won't be able to get 1st and 2nd,
OR telling me to prepare to lose,
Thank you for your comment and I'm really looking forward to how you guys' reaction is on that day.
So now it's MY turn to say,
We'll see about that =)

-----------------------------

Anyways,
The school timetable has changed AGAIN.
I have no idea why but it's damn stupid and I don't see a reason why they have to change it.
Grrr,
Ignore that.

Hari Koko AKA Our school's Carnival is this Saturday =D
I'm helping out with the Haunted House on the 2nd floor so remember to come support okay ? =DD
Please come to our Hari Koko cos this time we're having LOTS of things to play and we're having 80+ stalls too.
Excited right ?
I know, I'm excited too xD (ok maybe not)

Anyways,
This coming Sunday is gonna be my last Alvin's Bio Class.
Aww I'm gonna miss it =X
Cos no one teaches Bio as well as him and seriously I have no fricking idea about Bio before this.
But after his explanations,
Everything seemed so easy and interesting xD
LOL anyways too bad the Tuesday class is fulled,
Won't be able to join his classes anymore =[
Anyways hope I still have chance to meet him next time in the future xD
LOL.

And also,
I don't understand why they have to put the Taekwondo grading on 1st of August.
It's stupid cos their only have 2 trainings to prepare the yellow belts for the grading.
And I can't attend this ONLY 2 trainings becos,
I slept late last Saturday,
This Saturday will be cancelled for sure cos it's Hari Koko,
And next Saturday I certainly won't be able to make it too cos it's the Singing Competition Finals.
It's stupid to try to rush everything like that.
Haiz..
So most probably I'm not taking the grading lah...
Just remain as Yellow 1 while everyone become Yellow 2 lah...

This week will be really busy.
I really don't wanna miss tuition anymore but if I don't skip, I won't have time.
I need to stayback to go around the afternoon session to promote the fricking Singing Competition.
Well cos SOMEONE just doesn't seem to believe that I promoted last time.
She claims that I've not been doing my job well ok fine,
So I'll just do what she says this time so that she will shut up.
I'm already unhappy with this whole thing so I'm just gonna do my job and go promote it and after that,
NOTHING at all.
I wanna focus on the stupid competition.

Anyways,
Sorry for this boring and pointless post,
I shall stop here and update some other time =D
Thank you for reading guys.
Byee =]

I hope both of you will work things out cos both of you are best friends and I really don't want 2 of my best friends to end up like this.. Please don't be like this anymore =[ All these are just misunderstandings...

Sigh..

Things have not been great lately.
I don't wanna talk about it anymore..
Just insult all you want guys.
Look down on me all you can.
I don't care anymore...

Sorry.. =[

We haven't been talking to each other for 2 days...

And it has been killing me.
I'm sorry for what I've done..

I know I'm always like this and always make you unhappy...
But seriously,
I HATE it when we are NOT talking...

Because we ALWAYS talk.

And even though sometimes I can't see what the teacher is writing on the whiteboard,

I didn't want to move either cos I can copy from you and class is never boring when you're around..

I'm really sorry and I hope things will stop going like this..
It makes me upset that we're not talking..

Cos we're always talking and you're my best friend.
I really hope that everything would return to normal again..
I'm really really sorry...

Forgive me pls ? =(...

Longgg Dayyy.. =]

Hello everyone.
It was Merentas Desa today.
I was one of the photographers so i took pictures =D
At first,
Me and AhFoong was issued to be at the starting point to snap pictures.
Then after that,
We saw that someone's running back and there weren't any photographers at the ending point.
So we ran to the ending point.
Sakai was the 2nd one to reach.
I was soo proud of him =D
And Leon was the 15th one to reach.
Good job =DD

Well for the others who didn't get any placing,
Please don't be sad cos you already tried your best.
And it means you already won for not giving up =]

Anyways,
Kui Seong, Fung Soon, Jia Meng, Leon, Jian Hong and Sakai went to swimming so I went to Carrefour with AhFoong they all.
Kei Yan, May Yen, Carolyn & Daw Fang was there too~
Kui Seong was such a nice guy cos he drove me to Carrefour XD!!

Anyways,
We saw quite alot of ppl there it was kinda embarassing = ="
Then we went up to the RollerSkate place because SOMEONE want to have a look.
Mana tahu she saw her boy then she started getting all hyped up and kept hitting ppl beside her =.="
Then after awhile we went to Carrefour (the groceries place) FOR NOTHING.
And walked around for 20 minutes and went out without buying anything.
LOL.

So after that we went back home and here I am!!

Well currently,
I'm practicing my song for tomorrow.
Everything's very perfect before this.
It has always been perfect.
But yesterday morning,
I woke up feeling that my throat is dry and uncomfortable =.="
And I realised I have sore throat T.T
So I thought it wouldn't affect my performance this Saturday since both songs are quite easy songs.
But when i practiced just now,
OMFG IT WASN'T NORMAL AT ALL.
I CAN'T CONTROL IT WELL ANYMORE T.T

Fuckk.
I hope it gets well tomorrow,
If not I'm dead T.T
I've waited for 1 whole year and I'm not gonna let the chance passby just like that T.T
Please pray for me that my throat will recover by tomorrow morning T_T

But no matter what,
I'm going to try my best!!
Wish me luck guys!!! =D

The lost confidence..

The confidence..

I wonder where it flew to.

Since what happened 2 weeks ago,

It was lost and no where to be found.

And I was lost and confused.

Because it warned me that i'm threatened.
I sense a threat.

And soon,

What was once mine has all disappeared.

Including the confidence that I hold all along.

I was afraid.

Terrified.

Cos of the strong force that's lurking around.

I was seriously horrified.

I said to myself,

"I lost.... I can never beat that."

And then i trembled.

I sat on a side and didn't know what to do.

There was nothing left.

I was about to surrender..

But suddenly,

I thought to myself..

"What am I doing ? Am I suppose to be giving up so easily ? After trying 4 consecutive years and finally decided to give up ?"

"NO."
I said to myself loudly.

I am NOT going to give up so easily just because someone strong appeared.

I feel so dumb.

Wtf have I been doing for this pass 2 weeks ?

Just wasting my time thinking bout how good she is and how she's gonna beat me ?

That's pathetic.

I shouldn't be thinking bout all these.

I shouldn't be overwhelmed by her greatness.
I shouldn't be influenced by people around me who keep telling me that she's so good and I'm gonna be defeated.

All these words covered my everything and made me lost,

It made me feel as if i lost everything.

All my hardworks and everything that I built up.

I should start picking it all up and regain my true form that has been overwhelmed.

I'm not gonna fall so easily.

I am going to regain my confident.

And remind people of the star who used to shine brightly..

Althought it's dim now,

But I will make it shine again.
This.. I promise..

And make it to the road of success..

*I will be strong..

And I won't give up..

Thank you for all the harsh words,

It certainly made me stronger...